What to do if you fell out of love

What to do if you fell out of love

What to do if you fell out of love

July 1, 2021one on one relationship
Don’t blame yourself with your partner and be honest.
Photo by Natalya Kopylova

Natalya Kopylova

Author of Lifehacker

What to do if you fell out of love
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Love sometimes leaves. It’s not about cheating, it’s not about someone on the side. It’s just that at first a person does not cause former joy. Then it starts to get annoying. I no longer want to rush home after work, spend time together. General jokes are no longer funny, and nicknames are no longer funny. Perhaps the feelings cool down for both partners, but at different speeds. Simply, while one is still in doubt, the other admits to himself and to the person next to him that the fire has gone out. And it hurts everyone.

When a couple breaks up, usually all the sympathy and support goes to the one they left. There are many articles with advice on how to survive being out of love. But the one who has fallen out of love often falls out of the zone of attention, although he may suffer no less. Together with psychologists, we figure out how to find out that there are no more feelings, and what to do about it.

How to understand that there really are no feelings left

The only way is to understand yourself. This can be done on your own or with a specialist.

According to psychologist Anna Smetannikova, sometimes the feeling that love has passed can cause accumulated and unspoken claims and emotions. It happens that a person is going through a crisis period, is tired in general and spreads these feelings to a partner. It may seem that if it were not for the second half, then life would be completely different. And it makes you think that love is no more. Finally, often the cause is a banal habit.

Andrey Smirnov
psychologist.

Often the feeling that you have fallen out of love appears when you have too close and long contact with a partner. When people live together for a long time, they get used to each other and may not notice the good that is. As they say, what we have – we do not store, having lost – we cry. This is a very true and vital statement.

Therefore, when thinking out of the brackets, you need to take out grievances, conflicts and decide whether feelings have really faded away. Here are a few signs by which you can recognize it:

  • You no longer want to spend time with your partner. You have little interest in everything connected with it.
  • When you think about the future, do not find a place for a partner there, at least in an optimistic scenario.
  • With a partner, you are worse than without him, or at least simply no better than being alone.
  • It seems to you that there is nothing more to expect from this relationship.
  • You notice all the weaknesses and shortcomings of your partner and are not ready to forgive them. At the same time, you meet his efforts with indifference.
  • At the thought that a partner will stop loving you or meet someone else and leave, you experience joy and a sense of relief.
  • You meet quarrels with indifference and irritation, you no longer make an effort to get around sharp corners and not offend.
  • You are sorry to waste time, money, mental strength on a partner.

Who is to blame for the fact that the feelings faded

In a difficult situation, one of the usual human reactions is to assign responsibility for what is happening. There are two participants in a relationship, so there are only two options: you can blame yourself or your partner for everything. And in both cases it will be a mistake.

Andrey Smirnov

It is useless to look for right and wrong. Everyone is right in their own way, but the relationship has become obsolete. It’s better to leave in a civilized manner. Feelings of guilt should not be. How it happened – it happened, nothing can be done about it.

How to talk to a partner

If you are not sure that you have fallen out of love

Anna Smetannikova offers to honestly share her experiences. Note that the partner is not the problem. You just need time to sort yourself out.

Anna Smetannikova
clinical psychologist.

Only by talking with your partner will you be able to find the best solution for your couple. Find out together if you want to keep what’s left of your feelings, or if it’s not worth the effort.

If you both have something to cherish in this relationship and you are ready to try to save them, start as soon as possible. Seeing a family psychologist or couples relationship counselor can help. But if this option is not for you, then talk honestly with your partner about everything that has accumulated between you. Start spending more time with each other. Find out (or remember) how each of you understands love: for some, these are warm words, for some, gifts, for others, hugs.

If there were grievances and quarrels between you, but you are ready to forgive them and be together, do it. If there are circumstances that, in your opinion, cannot be forgiven, then the best solution is not to waste time on such a relationship. Although the choice is always yours.

Illustration: Guridova Anna / Lifehacker

If you are sure that you fell out of love

Even if you no longer love a person, his presence must be reckoned with. And here the main thing is to remember that your partner is not your enemy, he is not to blame for anything. You spent some time together, you were probably happy, so he deserves respect and respect for him.

Anna Smetannikova advises talking about yourself and your feelings gently and at the same time peremptorily. Put the person before the fact, and do not translate the conversation into a dialogue. Otherwise, the partner may begin to make excuses or make some promises in the hope that …


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