10 Rules for Good Spanking

10 Rules for Good Spanking

10 Rules for Good Spanking

January 10, 2020

Educational program Sex

Gentle “spanking” can become an exciting and even desirable sex game.
Photo by Ekaterina Komissarova

Ekaterina Komissarova

Lifehacker medical journalist

10 Rules for Good Spanking


Spanking (English “spanking”, “thrashing”) is when one of the partners “punishes” the other by loudly slapping him on the buttocks with an open palm or a light flat object.

Spanking is considered one of the most common and safest BDSM techniques and is ideal for beginners. On the one hand, the lower partner (aka the submissive, subordinate, the one being spanked) is hurt. With another this pain is not too strong and even capable of delivering pleasure. Spanking will help both partners understand whether they like such games and whether it is worth continuing to experiment in this direction.

Having decided to try the above technique, follow a few important rules – they will make this intimate event interesting, fascinating and desirable.

1. Make sure this game is consensual

Awareness and voluntariness are the foundation of any BDSM practice. Both the dominant (upper) and the submissive must clearly understand what exactly the process is and give unambiguous consent to it.

2. Come up with a stop word

Despite the fact that spanking is a relatively innocent subspecies of BDSM, it can be played with. Therefore, partners must agree in advance on the stop word – an expression that, when uttered by the bottom, immediately stops the process.

The ideal stop word is a short, clear, non-sexual noun or adjective. The options “no”, “stop”, “stop”, “enough” are not suitable, because in a fit of passion they may not be perceived as restrictions.

As a stop word, English-speaking citizens often use red – “red” (similar to a prohibitory traffic light). You can choose this option or choose another one. For example, “carrot”. Or “basta”. Or another short, sharp and attention-grabbing wordmark.

3. Consider a comfortable posture

The most popular spanking position is when the bottom lies on his stomach on the knees of the top sitting on the bed. But other options are also possible. For example, the dominant becomes on one knee, and the subordinate bends over the other. Or lie down on the table. Or rests his hands on the wall.

Decide on a position beforehand so you don’t get embarrassed and act confidently, even if you’re trying spanking for the first time.

4. Take everything off your hands

On the “working” hand of the one who spanks, there should not be anything superfluous. Remove rings, watches, bracelets in advance so as not to damage the skin of the lower one and not to hurt him more than was intended. Yes, nails should also be cut, at the same time getting rid of burrs. For every fireman.

5. Decide on a place to spank

It is best to spank on the lower or middle part of the buttocks. Let’s go to the hips. But the upper part of the buttocks, and even more so the area where the kidneys are located, is taboo for strikes.

6. Take the time to warm up

Spanking involves quite strong biting blows. But if you start hitting in this way right away, the bottom one will definitely not like it: the pain from the habit will be too sharp.

Therefore, do not skip the warm-up phase. First, stroke your partner’s buttocks, massage them a little with your palm. Then make a series of the lightest spanks. And only then, when the skin of the lower one turns pink, you can increase the impact.

7. Make flip flops snappy

The palm strikes and immediately rebounds from the surface of the skin, like a whip. Avoid holding your hand on the buttocks: it will be unpleasant for the lower one.

8. Work in series

After doing 5-7-10 slaps, take a short break to stroke and massage the buttocks. This will help you too, and will give the bottom one to take a breath, feeling the new sensations deeper.

9. Watch your partner’s reaction

The purpose of spanking, like any other BDSM practice, is not to torment the bottom, but to have fun. Therefore, when throwing blows, be aware of the effect they have on the submissive. If he tightens his buttocks and tries to dodge, stop, focus on gentle strokes and massage. At the same time, ask the bottom how he feels.

You can continue spanking only after the submissive has made it clear that everything is fine with him and he does not mind continuing.

10. Talk

Comment on what you are doing. Voice what you feel when the palm touches the buttocks. Spanking is a full-fledged intimate communication, and words will obviously not be superfluous here. Even “dirty”: offensive, shameful expressions in this case can become a bright and exciting element of the sex game.

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